Control is an illusion

Maybe its more of a DILLUSION, who knows.

Control (Definition: the situation of being under the regulation, domination, or command of another) shouldn't even be a word associated with anything other than the physical ability to manipulate an object without a single doubt.

Look back on your life and think how many things you were able to control, really. You wake up happy - with the best intentions of having a good day, being kind to everyone and getting things done - k some days at least. The series of events to follow are so... completely... out of your control its scary. It could go either way 1. the best day you've ever had 2. quite possibly the worst day ever 3. the same ole crap you had yesterday.

Simple example: planning out a day of necessary shopping - groceries, flowers, some material to fix the arb repair and renting a movie before heading home to get dinner ready for the kids/husband/self.

First store is stuffy - think the aircon is out of order - its cold out so you've made sure that there's no room for a sneaky wind to get in (head starts spinning and your underarms feel clammy and cold) but the world will end at 2 in the morning if there is no paper in the loo. The queue is seriously long and people are standing in line for friends while they pick up something else - so uncool.

Finally, out of there - in the airconditioned mall corridor, core temperature normalises yet there's a tinge of pain in your eye for the sudden change and your armpits feel even colder now. Next on the list is the florist - who needs the aircon to half freeze those flowers in order to keep them fresh while your body seems to repel this change in temperature once again by stabbing you behind the still throbbing eye.

All is well - the flowers are great - couldn't grandma have a birthday at a better time of year? You get to the pay point and forget your cards pin number (which has never happened before) so you try another card - where a pin is not required therefore increasing your outstanding credit balance.

You make it out before icicles form on your forehead and realise that the car is parked on the far side of the mall closer to the first store - was a great idea at the time, especially since your socks looked more comfortable when they weren't trying to dig into your big toe.

Oh yes! Made it to the parking lot - find the car, put the groceries in the boot and proceed to drive to the Movie rental place - but there seems to be a hold up, let's take a left here and go around. Oh!!! My!!! Hat!!! A roadblock and all exits have been closed.

Light up a smoke and wait to get pulled over because as we all know, it wouldn't happen this way if you didn't have an outstanding fine. 47min Later, you're about to drive straight through - when Mr Police Officerman signals for you to park your car on the side of the road, great! Smile, panic, look normal, no... look worried, no... fain dementia, crap... he's here. After much pleading, he sends you off with a verbal warning to pay those fines (and get the food home for your ageing gran)... Pheeeew!

Awesomest, get to the movie rental place and obviously - because you were stuck in traffic for the longest most excruciating time - they've rented your booked movie to someone ELSE! Breathe... slowly... find something else. Its cold, raining and no-ones out - but all the good movies are. Take something classic - pay and get the hell outta there. But wait... can't be that easy can it ... the damned scanner isn't working properly and everytime you try walking out the door the alarm goes off.

This delays you a few more minutes, the clerk is really sweet and suggests you go straight home without making any more stops. You agree wholeheartedly and leave quietly.

The trip home is less daunting and you make it in one piece. The day could have gone either way - The above could have taken 2 hours at most and you would be in time to cook up a storm, enjoy the dinner party you planned and get to bed early/wired enough to feel fresh again the next morning - but that would have been uneventful.

I've had a few days where everything that could possibly go wrong, did! One of which is still the worst day of my life, but as I get older I realise its only part of living your life - wouldn't it be boring otherwise.

Unfortunately its not that justifiable when it happens to the big things in your life, or affects them in such a way that you have to completely change strategies to accommodate these UNCONTROLLABLE events.


Later peeps.