...stuck in the middle of neither and I like it here

I ask way too many questions all the time, mostly unanswerable by any one person including my unknowledgeable self. Seriously, where would I begin to tell this story... so not going to tell all accept that I cannot understand what is happening to me right now.

My last post spoke about shallowness and the way it interferes with everyday life, but also makes it easier on those who enjoy its rewards. Now there is something to say about ignoring your intuition, although ignorance is certainly bliss.

At this point though I'm not ignoring anything but the voices in my head. They're screaming stuff like "How could you even think of going through with this" "it's against everything you've ever imagined" "Can you actually see a light at the end of this tunnel... no seriously". I'm not even in a state of disbelief at what is happening (p.s.nothing bad) on my scale of weird occurences and benefits of doubt - this is by far the most out of the ordinary thing I've done in years.

Well, if disected logically - you will see there is no logic. There is no real warning signs or objects or even caution. I'm somewhere in the middle of consciously making a decision and letting things just flow. This - to me - means I am numb.

Whatever this is its just another one of the changes happening in my life, the age thing is really getting to me and I'm so freaken busy all the time it's like there just isn't anywhere to escape to anymore, so I live in my own little world (as an escape) this does mean that reality can either bite hard or it can be sweet. Problem is, I'm so far gone into my little fantasy world that I'm not really sure whether any of this will make sense once I wake up from this trance "TRANCE" thats the word. It feels like a trance, a good one though - not like a fantasy or a whirlwind romance or even the dream job elation some people get.

I'm just stuck in the middle of neither and I like it here, because honestly - since I'm no longer sure I want to do things as I've always done it (possibly because it didn't work out almost all of the time) I'm left to decide which turn to take on a road never travelled. It's scary to be scared especially at my age. You're supposed to "come into your own" by this time already and embrace that approaching big three oh!