I ask way too many questions all the time, mostly unanswerable by any one person including my unknowledgeable self. Seriously, where would I begin to tell this story... so not going to tell all accept that I cannot understand what is happening to me right now.
My last post spoke about shallowness and the way it interferes with everyday life, but also makes it easier on those who enjoy its rewards. Now there is something to say about ignoring your intuition, although ignorance is certainly bliss.
At this point though I'm not ignoring anything but the voices in my head. They're screaming stuff like "How could you even think of going through with this" "it's against everything you've ever imagined" "Can you actually see a light at the end of this tunnel... no seriously". I'm not even in a state of disbelief at what is happening (p.s.nothing bad) on my scale of weird occurences and benefits of doubt - this is by far the most out of the ordinary thing I've done in years.
Well, if disected logically - you will see there is no logic. There is no real warning signs or objects or even caution. I'm somewhere in the middle of consciously making a decision and letting things just flow. This - to me - means I am numb.
Whatever this is its just another one of the changes happening in my life, the age thing is really getting to me and I'm so freaken busy all the time it's like there just isn't anywhere to escape to anymore, so I live in my own little world (as an escape) this does mean that reality can either bite hard or it can be sweet. Problem is, I'm so far gone into my little fantasy world that I'm not really sure whether any of this will make sense once I wake up from this trance "TRANCE" thats the word. It feels like a trance, a good one though - not like a fantasy or a whirlwind romance or even the dream job elation some people get.
I'm just stuck in the middle of neither and I like it here, because honestly - since I'm no longer sure I want to do things as I've always done it (possibly because it didn't work out almost all of the time) I'm left to decide which turn to take on a road never travelled. It's scary to be scared especially at my age. You're supposed to "come into your own" by this time already and embrace that approaching big three oh!
Friday, November 27, 2009
Friday, November 20, 2009
Shallow
I think I'm Shallow. No. Wait. I think I'm actually coming to the realisation that shallowness can affect alot of things in your life. I've always been shallow, but have... many many times... given people the benefit of the doubt. Only to realise a ways down the road, that my shallowness could have prevented the torture of getting to know that person as extensively, as they made no real contribution to my life and I didn't want to try enriching theirs any longer.
Now I know the above sounded a little "not so modest" but we can leave the discussion of modesty for another day.
Courtesy of Dictionary.com – adjective
1. of little depth; not deep: shallow water.
2. lacking depth; superficial: a mind that is not narrow but shallow.
How deep do you have to go to see that something isn't going to work out in your best interest? In anyone's best interest for that matter. Should you even tread those waters if your gut tells you not to? Don't go doubting your intuition now. Frankly - the shallower the water the better (easier to see the bottom I say).
Apparently "Shallow people are shallow because they lack the intellectual development to be any other. To be anything other than self obsessed and cosmetic demands a certain level of development." [heluim.com]
So what if you posses the intelect and level of development to acknowledge your faux pas but still CHOOSE to live this way. We do it because the only reason we will overlook it is due to "feeling" sorry for the other person. Other times its just that we kinda enjoy their company and convince ourselves that the way they present themselves to the world doesn't affect our reaction to the situation.
Can I then say that its not being shallow, its more a matter of walking around in ignorant bliss with specially fitted horse blinkers? Oh baby, when those blinkers fall off... and they always do... that wall is closer than you thought it was! Well, because blinkers kinda distorts your focus. That's when you remember your little talent - Clear Shallow Water hides less gremlins.
This little subject dawned on me yesterday and I thought blogging about it may make me feel less inclined to look deeper into the situation. It also reminded me that pretty girls don't have real friends anyway and people think they're stupid no matter what. So there!
Words from my fav song at the mo: Pass out at 3. Wake up at 10. Go out to eat. Then do it again... Man I love College, I love drinking, I love ...men. Man I love College.
I'm out.
Now I know the above sounded a little "not so modest" but we can leave the discussion of modesty for another day.
Courtesy of Dictionary.com – adjective
1. of little depth; not deep: shallow water.
2. lacking depth; superficial: a mind that is not narrow but shallow.
How deep do you have to go to see that something isn't going to work out in your best interest? In anyone's best interest for that matter. Should you even tread those waters if your gut tells you not to? Don't go doubting your intuition now. Frankly - the shallower the water the better (easier to see the bottom I say).
Apparently "Shallow people are shallow because they lack the intellectual development to be any other. To be anything other than self obsessed and cosmetic demands a certain level of development." [heluim.com]
So what if you posses the intelect and level of development to acknowledge your faux pas but still CHOOSE to live this way. We do it because the only reason we will overlook it is due to "feeling" sorry for the other person. Other times its just that we kinda enjoy their company and convince ourselves that the way they present themselves to the world doesn't affect our reaction to the situation.
Can I then say that its not being shallow, its more a matter of walking around in ignorant bliss with specially fitted horse blinkers? Oh baby, when those blinkers fall off... and they always do... that wall is closer than you thought it was! Well, because blinkers kinda distorts your focus. That's when you remember your little talent - Clear Shallow Water hides less gremlins.
This little subject dawned on me yesterday and I thought blogging about it may make me feel less inclined to look deeper into the situation. It also reminded me that pretty girls don't have real friends anyway and people think they're stupid no matter what. So there!
Words from my fav song at the mo: Pass out at 3. Wake up at 10. Go out to eat. Then do it again... Man I love College, I love drinking, I love ...men. Man I love College.
I'm out.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
I am but a kid
Think I'm about to... maybe already started... embark on another journey life's deciding to throw my way. One which may or may not be something I am going to enjoy. But for the first time in years, it does seem like it could be fun.
How do you learn
There are so many more of these questions and they can only be answered by experiencing the need to to answer them.
What is life? Is it what you make of it or what it makes of you? Do you control your destiny?
I cannot answer any of the questions or comments above. I no longer (and havent for a while already) know who I am. What I will conform to and transform for. Whether I want to or not and whether what I believed for so long is what I want to do any longer.
When I was little, I looked up to the working class, family members and friends who made things look so easy. In fact - when you're a kid - things are easy. So much easier than fending for yourself with little or no inclination of the resultant consequence you may expedite from that experience.
Limbo isn't as appealing as it was last year, also - decisions need to be made and there's only one way to look at it. Straight in the eye.
Yes, adulthood sucks - it's merely a kid with debt and responsibility. I'm merely a kid.
How do you learn
- to live with something that is beyond your control or understanding?
- to live with the choices that you have made?
- to live with the consequences of your actions?
- to make the best of every situation?
- to live each day to the fullest?
- not to take the people you love for granted?
There are so many more of these questions and they can only be answered by experiencing the need to to answer them.
What is life? Is it what you make of it or what it makes of you? Do you control your destiny?
I cannot answer any of the questions or comments above. I no longer (and havent for a while already) know who I am. What I will conform to and transform for. Whether I want to or not and whether what I believed for so long is what I want to do any longer.
When I was little, I looked up to the working class, family members and friends who made things look so easy. In fact - when you're a kid - things are easy. So much easier than fending for yourself with little or no inclination of the resultant consequence you may expedite from that experience.
Limbo isn't as appealing as it was last year, also - decisions need to be made and there's only one way to look at it. Straight in the eye.
Yes, adulthood sucks - it's merely a kid with debt and responsibility. I'm merely a kid.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Pet Hate Words...
Firstly I just wanted to say - YAY! I have a follower! Hi, Michelle - so glad you could join me.
Funny thing is, just as I mention I'm gonna write whether people actually read it or not, I get a follower... awesomest!
Back to the subject at hand, what the heck is "feeling" something? Does it mean you (the dreaded word) 'like' them? That enjoying someone's company is an actual FEELING? Now I am no expert on this, frankly a friend of mine quite blatantly reminded just yesterday, that I am highly unstable. Look - I didn't ask whether he meant emotionally or mentally, because I think I'd know whether I were or not (would I?). The following is therefore entirely my opinion and/or reaction to these words.
To re-iterate, if someone tells you after a few dates, or outings (play dates with other kids mothers' - I know... weird... but it’s happened before) or just plain old conversation - that they enjoy your company, does that mean they have "feelings" for you? Maybe I'm insane, but this dating thing is just not what it used to be. Am I growing up, do I need to now be more responsible and conservative because I'm apparently of age or can I actually just be me?
If someone doesn't reciprocate the emotion , leaving the other feeling the fool, who's problem is that exactly? What will probably make it ten times worse is if that person then tries to draw it out of the other - while trying to justify it as an attempt at being "OPEN" hate that word...(through gritted teeth)
Other pet hate words....
Feel/feelings
Like
Hurt
Love
Relationship
Shut out
Closed
Reserved
Seemingly
Emotions
...it’s not a long list, but these words, used in an incorrect (stupid) context, can be abused like no other. E.g. Why can't people just open up? Stop shutting everyone out! Most people are less reserved than they seem.
Do you see what I mean - fine, its a given that the intelligent use of language is a brilliant manipulation tool, but FFS can some please buy some tact.
I'm being a complete hag but I've wanted to blog about this for so long. Not only does the issue of feelings come up when two or more people start a friendship or relationship or whatever, the other issue is whether your initial interest fades once you get to know them a little better. What causes this and why would the initial attraction (because lets face it - if something doesn't attract your attention you wouldn't have seen/spoken with/heard it in the first place) be less enticing once you've gotten to know them.
Acquaintances I've stumbled upon recently and not so recently have made me realise one definite downfall - especially of the middle age (30 - I know its young right) - they seem to have the freaken answers to everything. Now honestly, I can handle one or two know-it-all's in my life - obviously less frequently than the norm, but almost every day and not by choice? This sucks big time, I'm sick of people trying to tell me that their experiences were worse than mine, that everybody has problems, that I give the impression that I think I've been through tough times - but theirs were worse. When frankly I don't give a flying F.
There was no question or insinuation that their opinion was required or even requested, seriously - was there a way of getting out before it started? Why can't they just keep this to themselves, I do. My problems were/are HUGE in my life too - do/did I go round telling everyone that mine are worse than theirs .... uuuuuh Hell No!
K, since I cannot find a solution to this and my disinterest seems to fall on deaf ears and blind eyes - I'll just keep ignoring them, until hopefully one pleasant day - the irritating, advice giving, circumstance comparing, opinionated basterds leave me the F-alone. All I want is the ability to say whatever I want without thinking how much it would hurt someone else who clearly doesn't care whether what they say hurt's or offends me...
I know - total b&#%&ing session, right?.
I LVOE blogger .... hehehe - just to emphasize... these words used in the correct context at the correct time, elegantly delivered for best impact ... transform into poetry.
Funny thing is, just as I mention I'm gonna write whether people actually read it or not, I get a follower... awesomest!
Back to the subject at hand, what the heck is "feeling" something? Does it mean you (the dreaded word) 'like' them? That enjoying someone's company is an actual FEELING? Now I am no expert on this, frankly a friend of mine quite blatantly reminded just yesterday, that I am highly unstable. Look - I didn't ask whether he meant emotionally or mentally, because I think I'd know whether I were or not (would I?). The following is therefore entirely my opinion and/or reaction to these words.
To re-iterate, if someone tells you after a few dates, or outings (play dates with other kids mothers' - I know... weird... but it’s happened before) or just plain old conversation - that they enjoy your company, does that mean they have "feelings" for you? Maybe I'm insane, but this dating thing is just not what it used to be. Am I growing up, do I need to now be more responsible and conservative because I'm apparently of age or can I actually just be me?
If someone doesn't reciprocate the emotion , leaving the other feeling the fool, who's problem is that exactly? What will probably make it ten times worse is if that person then tries to draw it out of the other - while trying to justify it as an attempt at being "OPEN" hate that word...(through gritted teeth)
Other pet hate words....
Feel/feelings
Like
Hurt
Love
Relationship
Shut out
Closed
Reserved
Seemingly
Emotions
...it’s not a long list, but these words, used in an incorrect (stupid) context, can be abused like no other. E.g. Why can't people just open up? Stop shutting everyone out! Most people are less reserved than they seem.
Do you see what I mean - fine, its a given that the intelligent use of language is a brilliant manipulation tool, but FFS can some please buy some tact.
I'm being a complete hag but I've wanted to blog about this for so long. Not only does the issue of feelings come up when two or more people start a friendship or relationship or whatever, the other issue is whether your initial interest fades once you get to know them a little better. What causes this and why would the initial attraction (because lets face it - if something doesn't attract your attention you wouldn't have seen/spoken with/heard it in the first place) be less enticing once you've gotten to know them.
Acquaintances I've stumbled upon recently and not so recently have made me realise one definite downfall - especially of the middle age (30 - I know its young right) - they seem to have the freaken answers to everything. Now honestly, I can handle one or two know-it-all's in my life - obviously less frequently than the norm, but almost every day and not by choice? This sucks big time, I'm sick of people trying to tell me that their experiences were worse than mine, that everybody has problems, that I give the impression that I think I've been through tough times - but theirs were worse. When frankly I don't give a flying F.
There was no question or insinuation that their opinion was required or even requested, seriously - was there a way of getting out before it started? Why can't they just keep this to themselves, I do. My problems were/are HUGE in my life too - do/did I go round telling everyone that mine are worse than theirs .... uuuuuh Hell No!
K, since I cannot find a solution to this and my disinterest seems to fall on deaf ears and blind eyes - I'll just keep ignoring them, until hopefully one pleasant day - the irritating, advice giving, circumstance comparing, opinionated basterds leave me the F-alone. All I want is the ability to say whatever I want without thinking how much it would hurt someone else who clearly doesn't care whether what they say hurt's or offends me...
I know - total b&#%&ing session, right?.
I LVOE blogger .... hehehe - just to emphasize... these words used in the correct context at the correct time, elegantly delivered for best impact ... transform into poetry.
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