Another Journal Entry
In desperate need to let this out, but since I promised the people in my life I wouldn't speak about certain things, I kinda don't have anyone to tell it to...
Having no friendly resources, accept for my one favourite person on the face of this earth... He is my best friend and always will be - I hope. Things haven't been good for him either, but when he can he is there for me, just to talk - well more like type. We haven't seen each other in forever (meaning years), our relationship is purely "Skyped". So when either of us are offline, its not quite helpful to the other, although he's risking having me as a bbm contact - good lord, if the wife finds that the world is going to end for him, a horrid death at that.
So this blog is to thank him for his friendship, cause without that little 'get it off my chest, nag and bitch as much as I can type, sessions' today would be as bad as the past year.
Dilemma:
Having a relatively decent day - i.e. I'm not permanently pissed... Dunno who this person is any longer - the job I loved so much has become soul destroying and the bf, well - thats such a long story - just can't deal with him or my finances right now. In serious need of therapy in order to get my mind in the right place to pluck up the courage to do what needs to be done (story of my fcuking life). Every aspect of my life is unfulfilling in this moment, okay more like at this point but survive I will. So ironic, a few blogs ago I swore it wouldn't take over my life.
A word of advice from a sufferer: If you're depressed and can get help (meaning it won't cost you a cent or you are able to get this with or without financial aid) go get it... make yourself make that call, ask someone to help you but go get it done NOW!
Also, I'm afraid to re-read this one at a later stage as my everyday, normal communication and comprehension non-skills still evade me.
Just... really... need... Therapy!
Over and out.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Post Journal
Written 4 blogs this year - what a waste. I've come up with soo many subjects to write about but then wonder who in the hell reads them anyway.
I do and it really feels like tis some kind of Journal at this point. So I will keep at it then, easily reachable and always at hand. Well, it is online and if something happened to me tomorrow it will be online for the rest of eternity. Isn't that really what the net is all about. Eternalising everything?
Well, my journal entry for today is this...
Sometimes the things you don't want - or are obligated - to do, feel like such a burden... but once you realise what it would mean to/ for the person/people you are doing it for, it doesn't seem as much like a chore as it once did.
Especially if you couldn't keep up your promise, then it just feels like you've failed them.
Lols Out!
I do and it really feels like tis some kind of Journal at this point. So I will keep at it then, easily reachable and always at hand. Well, it is online and if something happened to me tomorrow it will be online for the rest of eternity. Isn't that really what the net is all about. Eternalising everything?
Well, my journal entry for today is this...
Sometimes the things you don't want - or are obligated - to do, feel like such a burden... but once you realise what it would mean to/ for the person/people you are doing it for, it doesn't seem as much like a chore as it once did.
Especially if you couldn't keep up your promise, then it just feels like you've failed them.
Lols Out!
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Darker yet!
Is it possible to be in a dark place, know that you are and not have the inclination to remove yourself from that state or the hope that it will see to itself, work out somehow?
Dark is the wrong word. Its more like Empty. Just read through the previous posts and found that outlook a little more sobering than the current state of mind.
During the past two months the general consensus has been - "Take wots coming". Nothing much else anyone can do about that. Fighting the inevitable is a futile endeavour and may have accomplished something before, but very little in comparison to working with what you have and building upon that.
Unfortunately, and it was proven to me this very moment (just got a call), I'm completely desensitized. Things no longer have the effect they used to - actually - there is no longer an effect. Maybe there are reasons things work out the way they do and it could definitely be the universe saying something. But what would that be? Oh wait, I don't give a fuck and it no longer matters. Decisions, choices, direction (in life) - these are all based on emotion, maybe plain old mental activity without emotional baggage is a good idea too. Who knows, who cares.
Here's to me and my outlook on life.... wot outlook?
Dark is the wrong word. Its more like Empty. Just read through the previous posts and found that outlook a little more sobering than the current state of mind.
During the past two months the general consensus has been - "Take wots coming". Nothing much else anyone can do about that. Fighting the inevitable is a futile endeavour and may have accomplished something before, but very little in comparison to working with what you have and building upon that.
Unfortunately, and it was proven to me this very moment (just got a call), I'm completely desensitized. Things no longer have the effect they used to - actually - there is no longer an effect. Maybe there are reasons things work out the way they do and it could definitely be the universe saying something. But what would that be? Oh wait, I don't give a fuck and it no longer matters. Decisions, choices, direction (in life) - these are all based on emotion, maybe plain old mental activity without emotional baggage is a good idea too. Who knows, who cares.
Here's to me and my outlook on life.... wot outlook?
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