Whatever shall I do?

Life's been just GREAT! After my last post - where I completely and totally relay my feelings on pregnancy and goals and not reaching it, well. I get the surprise of my life and miscarry, then while I'm going through this and everything else in my life (admittedly some things seem to be getting better, just expensive) uuuum I hear word that my "career" may be stumped prematurely. Now what?

I rant about not being appreciated and in fact the steady flow of no money and more work means I am not underappreciated, instead it may turn out that I could be an extra resource and therefore no longer required. How does one feel about something this.... big - is it big? At this point in one's life, career isn't something you should be worrying about, this is usally where people start having children, their careers have been sorted, their relationships are relatively stable and they are independant selfless parents or parents to be. I've definitely done things the wrong way round, and yes it could benefit me in the long run - but during the run - not so much. How about the kids, shame they said the other day that things just seem to go wrong for them or for us and it affects them.

I'm no longer living by the premise that good and bad things happen to certain people, constantly. Like if good things come to you they usually tend to appear out of nowhere, same with the latter. I can't live like that any longer - good things have happened to me over the years - yes I've had to work hard to keep it good, in fact worked real hard just to make it happen, but that's not the issue. It's being able to maintain a type of momentum without thinking too much about the things that actually happen on their own. There are many people around the world who just cannot get out of a slump - they keep thinking "this always happens to me" feel sorry for themselves and let it take over.

Feeling sorry for myself ain't gonna cut it any longer, okay - just for a little while I'm gonna ignore it - since its almost my birthday and I really just want to try be happy on that day (NOT). Might as well enjoy celebrating SOMEthing. Either way, my budget will see to itself until the next paycheck and my career will have to be put in check. Planning will need to take place and the prospect of rejection will need to be prep'd for.

Once all that is working I may actually want to have another relationship or hopefully a good one finds its way to me because I seriously don't have the time to go looking for that - especially since I have the worst selection. Until then, well its back to the grind - no comfort zone ever liked my presence so the drawing board calls for some increased chalk action.

To the chalk and beyond - maybe I'll be able to fit some blogging into all of that. Been so hectic walking in circles I haven't looked up to see the same landmark. But I've seen my own footprint in the sand and that's gotta stop.

Laters