Culmination

Reading over some of the posts I've written, its only logical for me to be writing this today.

Everything has gone crashing down - the depression still creeps up, like it did yesterday but I'm trying to handle it. Its quite difficult at this point though... feels like the more enthusiastic I try be, the more things fall apart.

My "baby" project was cancelled  and subsequently closed down, which means
I'm officially unemployed

Officially financially screwedto, before the retrenchment and due to the miscarraige.

Officially been asked to leave my residence 
Officially single - I broke this off, couldn't handle another thing happening to me, so I made it happen.
and my son has decided he'd like to be a pothead oneday.


That's just the big stuff, I cannot begin to explain everything that has gone wrong in the past few months, not sure if this is a result of my depression or not. Although thats too easy an explaination for me.

One good thing is that some of my actual writing has been published, its just that it isn't getting the response I had hoped for. Dammit, not good for the already bruised ego right now.

Needless to say, I've decided to put off starting a real blog for the moment. Its just not good to wonder why I'm not worth much anymore. This place I'm in (mentally) is not good, its more like in need of a refurbishment - without the inclination to perservere though, what is there to do?

I do need to get a move on, just seem so stuck. But not stuck like you are afraid to move, stuck like in quicksand stuck. If you move too much, you sink a little more.

Its been almost two months since the last post and things have become worse, less stressful, more illusive, but in general - its fucking baaaaadddddd!

People keep saying it will get better, and this should be a blessing in disguise - I'm just sick of starting over every single fucking time. Had enough of this shit already, really.

Give. A. Chick. A. Fucking. Break!!!


Later....